How to Beat Introversion

Great Morning, Y'all!

For all of my self-labeled introverts out there, this one is for you.

I believe being introverted may be for a different reason than we think.

SOCIAL BATTERY

Myself and many others don't really seem to have a problem in social settings...

We can talk the talk and walk the walk,

but they're still not enjoyable,

and we prefer to just stay at home.

But why?

The answer for me has become very clear, and I feel as if many can relate.

In most social settings,

everything from cocktail parties to Thanksgiving dinner,

we've been conditioned to put on a "face".

For some, this is literal, as we put on all the makeup or dress in a certain way that's "acceptable".

For others, it's more figurative. We're expected to behave in a certain way that's different from when we're by ourselves at home.

A polished, artificial version of ourselves, most desirable to others.

Not only must we look a certain way, but we must also act like it.

It's like we've all signed a societal contract, agreeing on the topics we can and can't discuss.

We only feel free to share our real-life stories if they are positive or entertaining.

All other, more mundane truths of our reality fall to the wayside.

We've been muffled by the masses from feeling fully expressed.

So having to put a face on,

and have parameters around what we would speak about,

feels like a chore.

It rapidly drains our social battery,

not wanting us to leave the house again for a few days/weeks.

This is why, in my opinion,

if we all felt comfortable attending these types of events as if we just rolled out of bed,

and all parts of us... all emotions that we may be feeling in that moment could be fully seen without judgment,

there would be many more people willing to go to events.

The inauthenticity is repelling people from enjoying the experience.

It's the same people that if weren't repelled, would make the event one to remember.

So the cure is to make them feel more human again.

“Come as you are”.

I MAY HAVE NEVER BEEN INTROVERTED

I'm now open to the idea that I'm not introverted at all,

I just had never found my people.

When it comes to the classic ways to meet people, like cocktail parties and others…

I didn't want to be around constant complainers,

only having the courage to say something real after having three martinis,

or those doing a soft sales pitch for their company.

It's hard to be the life of the party when everyone else feels dead inside.

I think we'd be hard-pressed to find someone who still doesn't want to meet up with others,

after they find a group of people that have the same interests,

are optimists that put everyone into a good mood,

and spend the entire time together talking about things we care about,

with plenty of laughs shared throughout.

Now, even with that friend group, I still prefer to stay at home with my girlfriend most nights...

but now, social events are a lot more enticing when we around a group of people that make us feel seen.

So why wasn't this the case in the past?

Because in today's day and age, it is hard to find people that we really vibe with.

Most of our friends are just the people we know from circumstance.

It's the person who was assigned to sit next to us in science class in high school,

or the person who works in the cubicle near ours.

We're meeting people from unchosen circumstance, not from intention.

Most of us have "ehh, good enough relationships."

Ones they don't really love, but they have a social need in their heart that needs to be filled,

so Steve who works in the Accounting department is good enough.

I'm being quite hard on this….

We can still meet incredible, lifelong friends who sat next to us in middle school.

Fantastic relationships are formed every day through synchronicities like that...

But we now have more tools than ever to attract our tribe.

ATTRACT OUR TRIBE

Thankfully due to the internet,

We can find our exact tribe of people who live around the world, or right up the street from us.

It doesn't matter how odd our music taste is, like 1990's death metal,

or our unique fascination with Anime, Asian superhero cartoon.

We can now connect with millions of people who enjoy the same little intricacies of life.

But I think it's now more important than ever to create a community like that in person.

If we don't see a space where people like us can connect,

that means we're meant to create it.

The holes in the societal fabric are visible to us for a reason.

We're meant to fill them.

Whether it's The Men's Circles, or my girlfriend's weekly walks,

We've created events where like-minded people connect over shared interests.

If we build it, the right people will come.

I believe there are dozens of people in every community would love to be our friends,

and we'd enjoy their company without feeling drained.

And they're just waiting for someone to create the space for them to connect.

CONCLUSION

I've realized introversion isn't just wanting to be alone,

It's the feeling of avoiding places where we don't feel seen.

So the solution in my life,

the same thing I recommend to anyone who has the same problem,

is to create something that would attract a person we'd like to be friends with.

That's it for today.

Thanks for tuning in to my rant on introversion.

I hope you know that you are loved and enough.

See you tomorrow,

I unconditionally love you all.

-Cameron Hogan