How I Disarmed a Crackhead

Good Morning Y'all!

Today, I wanted to share my perspective on a story that was posted to Twitter (X) by my girlfriend a handful of weeks ago.

The story illustrates a real-life example of how we can utilize love to diffuse any type of situation.

Before I share the story, I want to provide some context...

My girlfriend, Elle Beecher, hosts a weekly walk along the boardwalk in downtown Austin every Saturday morning.

The goal is to build connection in the community by having conscious conversations.

Her walks, named The Boardwalks, are a 2-hour, five-mile experience in which nearly 100 people attend every Saturday morning.

Last week was her 98th consecutive walk.

I could spend all day praising her and her creations, but let's get to the story...

ELLE'S TWEET

"I can’t stop thinking about this moment on Walk #89.

So… here’s a love letter to The Men of The Board Walks.

3 miles in, a stranger joined our group of 80+ people. He was yelling about wanting to fight someone, pounding his fists and saying “BOOM BANG BOOM,” and I felt a shiver go down my spine.

I’m in the middle of a deep conversation with two men about how to find and nurture the root pain that’s causing destructive behaviors. My anxiety is growing. My eyes stay glued to this guy.

I don’t want to step in and get hurt, so I pray he’ll walk away after I smile and sprinkle in a nervous yet strong stream of “Thank you, have a good morning, thank you, see you later, thank you, have a good rest of your morning, goodbye sir, we’re going to continue our walk now.”

He doesn’t leave.

The men around me at the very front of the pack form a barrier between him and our group, and we’re all trying to ignore him and keep talking, but I didn’t want to spend the rest of the walk afraid.

I turn around and lock eyes with my boyfriend Cam. (Which is very lucky, considering we’re a giant walking army that needs 3 rounds of pedestrian “WALK” lights to make it across the street.)

I motion him over, my eyes wide as saucers, and whisper “Can you get him away from the group?”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Cam walks up to the man and daps him up. “Hey brother, how are you doing this morning?”

He’s instantly disarmed. The energy shifts. Four other men slowly form a new barrier and stay close in case Cam needs backup. Cam talks to him for 2 miles, until we all reach a stairwell leading into downtown, where he guides the guy to the top of the stairs and keeps talking until the entire group is safe and out of sight.

I take a deep exhale and continue my conversation as if nothing happened, because I’ve seen Cam deescalate scary situations many times.

Being with him feels like a masterclass in how to meet fear with love — when he rejoined the group at the end, I asked what happened and he said “He felt the positive energy of the walk and wanted to be a part of it. I just listened and gave him a hug. That’s all he wanted.”

Thank you to Cam and every good man who stepped in yesterday to keep our walk safe. (None are on twitter, but I’ll give them a big hug next week.)

I will honestly never feel comfortable deescalating a situation that feels like it could turn violent on @theboardtalks.

It takes a village, with men and women working together in perfect harmony, to make this walk feel so special and safe every week. For the last 89 weeks. And beyond.

I’m convinced that the men who join The Board Walks are the best men in the world.

I love you all."

MY RESPONSE

I believe if this situation had occurred years ago, I would have tried to intimidate him away from the group.

I probably would've raised my voice and become aggressive, insisting that he should move out of our way.

But a few years ago, I realized that doing so would only escalate the situation.

Treating that man with aggression would've only resulted in more aggression.

The primary factor that has changed my perspective on people behaving this way is the following:

Most of the problems we face today stem from never being taught how to process our past experiences.

Life is destined to leave some open wounds.

It’s ideal to heal them before they get infected.

If we aren't properly healed, we often spend the rest of our lives acting from a place of fear, leading to an imbalance.

This looks different for everyone.

Some choose to cope with the infection by...

Needing to get straight A's,

Needing to be the richest person we know.

Needing to be the most attractive in the room.

For others,

Needing to binge eat or not eat at all,

Needing to play everything safe and never take a risk,

Needing a bottle, a pill, or in this case, crack cocaine.

I believe everyone is trying their best, but lacks the tools to navigate through tough times.

This is why many of us feel we need to act or be a certain way.

In doing so, we create an involuntary imbalance in our lives.

The vast majority of people in prison, or living on the side of the road, have witnessed some of the most traumatic experiences known to man.

The person we are today, is the monster we created to protect the child within.

To calm down a crackhead who was shouting "BANG BANG" and making gun hand gestures to the group,

We need to speak to the child within him, not the monster.

HOW DO WE DO THIS

What I'm about to share is something I've never been taught...

It's just how my inner voice tells me to act while I'm in these situations.

We disarm people by walking towards them with unconditional love.

All of his behaviors so far were natural coping mechanisms to feeling unsafe and unloved.

If we want him to act human, we need to give him what humans have been deprived of....

Love and safety.

This will disarm the monster we've all created, and allow his inner child to come out and play.

We see this all the time with dogs...

We've all had a neighbor or friend with a pitbull or rottweiler that would freak out nearly every time someone walked by.

That dog, being extremely sensitive to energy, can feel the fear going through the body of the humans around them.

If they sense fear in their environment, they will mirror it.

If someone walks towards them, completely unafraid and full of love, they will start wagging their tail and be ready to give plenty of kisses.

Same as humans.

We have all been in the airport near someone whose anxiety is so high, that we can feel it.

Even our own heart starts to pump a little faster.

The same works the opposite way.

Some are so calm, loving, and at peace, we have no choice but to feel that way around them.

If we approach people with love, they have no choice but to feel lighter around us.

No one can hurt someone who just made them feel more loved.

Thankfully, I felt like a few other guys in the group were keeping an eye on the situation, so they would have my back if we needed to get aggressive.

I felt as if this gave me permission to be completely fearless, to approach him with open arms.

As I approached this man, in my mind, I said, "I love you and want to be your friend."

In doing so, he became my friend.

He and I talked about how he'd had some severe injuries from an accident years ago, and wasn't able to be properly taken care of.

In doing so, he lost his ability to walk normally, resulting in him losing his job.

The pain of his injuries were still there, so he started taking pills to numb the pain.

A few months later, his best friend and roommate suddenly passed away.

In doing so, he could no longer afford his rent, couldn't work in his old industry, and fell into a deep depression.

Pain pills were now too expensive, so he turned to something more cheap that gave him a similar effect...

Crack.

I could have lectured him to pick himself up by his bootstraps, but is that really what he needs to hear?

No.

He needs to be seen. He needs to be heard.

He just needed a hug.

Just like the rest of us.

CONCLUSION

I'm not saying to approach your nearest crackhead, ready to give him a kiss...

And I'm definitely not trying to stand here and act righteous on how we should be interacting with others...

All that I am trying to say is that we have been taught to dehumanize those who look different from us.

They too, are humans.

They too, have been through past experiences that have changed the course of their life.

& They too, are just looking to be loved.

There's a better way to deescalate situations and help people like this.

I’m working on fine-tuning exactly how it can be done.

Leading every situation with strength and compassion is what we talk about in The Men’s Circle, and what I plan on teaching at future retreats.

I’ll keep y'all updated on how that goes.

That’s it for today.

I hope you all know, that you are loved, and you are enough.

See you tomorrow,

I love you all.

-Cameron Hogan