"I Would Have Done the Same"

Good Morning Ya'll!

I want to share a big perspective shift that has helped me better understand others.

THE MAGIC PHRASE

"If I were in their exact same shoes, I would have done the same thing."

Many of us today struggle with life choices that others have made.

Whether it's a criminal, committing a heinous act against humanity,

or a best friend, who keeps on dating people that aren't good for them.

For some reason, people make decisions that, from our perspective, don't serve them.

Why would this be?

Why would they put themselves through this level of suffering?

When will they ever learn from their mistakes?

WHY WE CHOOSE TO SUFFER

I recently had this meditation experience that completely shifted my perspective.

I was able to see myself, and the handful of people around me from a bird's eye perspective.

Imagine a camera floating 30 feet above our heads,

seeing everything around us that is taking place,

with a level of objectivity that we often don't see with our own five senses.

This gave me valuable context about my life and those around me.

Our decisions today are solely shaped by past experiences.

We subconsciously ask questions that filter our decisions in every experience.

The more unprocessed trauma we have, the less objectively sound our decisions are.

Operating from scarcity, often due to past trauma, the first question we ask is:

"Which path forward will make me feel the most safe?"

This is often why most of us are risk-averse when it comes to every major area of life.

This is neither good nor bad, it just "is".

If I were in their same shoes, I would have done the same thing.

THE EXAMPLE

Let's take health for an example, because I feel as if it's relatable for so many.

Imagine being seven years old, growing up in a lower-middle-class home near Columbus, Ohio.

We spend most of our time looking after our three-year-old brother because our parents work full-time.

They're always away for work, and when home, they bicker about the finances.

Our parents realize it's time for a divorce, but the separation isn't smooth.

Throughout this process, paying attention to the kids gets neglected.

Not only are we and our little brother attention deprived, but we're also still human...

So we need to eat, sleep, and do our homework...

But no adult in the household likes to cook, and we live in a food desert in Ohio.

We’re in a small town, so we only have access to a 7-11 and a Dollar General for food.

With the little money we have, we're able to buy some powdered doughnuts, some M&M's, and a hotdog.

That covers both our breakfast and lunch.

Hopefully, Mom will have the time and energy to cook us some Hamburger Helper for dinner.

In this situation, constantly overhearing the fighting of our parents, while trying to look after our older brother...

Our only time where we feel good is when we bite into a powdered doughnut, our favorite treat from the 7-11.

That, along with getting close to being 1st place on our favorite video game, Fortnite, that we play on the Xbox.

Those two experiences feel like the highlights of our life right now.

It's where we feel like ourselves.

It's where we feel safe.

Once we've adopted these habits at the age of seven, we stick with them throughout our preteens.

Now that the parents are officially divorced, both of them feel happier, and the household is less stressed.

But now, being 12 years old, we're being bullied in Junior High School.

We're being bullied because we are short, not the best looking, and we're barely passing our classes.

Now that we're facing pressure at school,

the only thing we feel safe doing,

the only thing that makes us feel ourselves,

the only thing that releases dopamine in our life...

Is grabbing some powdered doughnuts and our Xbox controller.

But now, years of this habit have led us to become obese.

Living day by day, we didn't really notice that much of a difference,

but when we look at old photos, we see that we're a hundred pounds heavier.

So what are we going to do now?

Even if we had a proper education on food,

(which isn't taught in our school),

we still don't have access to anything remotely healthy.

And do we expect to go to the gym before or after school?

We need to drop off, pick up, and take care of our little brother all day while our parents are working.

THE LESSON

When I run through hypothetical situations like this,

a lifestyle in which several million people are currently living,

it allows for me to gain empathy for people in their current situation.

I'm all for self-responsibility...

but I need to also keep in mind that there are large forces at play.

Our systems for meeting basic needs have failed.

Although it may not excuse a more heinous act,

like why someone would intentionally hurt someone else,

It explains why they acted in ways that may seem wrong to those with plenty of opportunities and love.

THE ULTIMATE LESSON

While having this meditation experience a while back, an even more important message came through to me...

The level of judgment I have towards others is the same level of judgment I have towards myself.

If 25% of my thoughts while thinking about my life point out my own insecurities and shortcomings,

25% of my thoughts about others will focus on their shortcomings.

So what is the answer to this problem?

Self Love.

The more I have learned to love and forgive myself, the more I love and forgive the world around me.

I've learned that it is not a correlation, but a causation.

The capacity of love that I have for myself is the exact capacity I have to love others.

Therefore, the greatest thing I can do for my loved ones, or even a complete stranger, is to love myself more...

In turn, I will be able to greet them with a more present, loving version of myself.

And that is how we change the world around us for the better.

CONCLUSION

The more I choose to seek to understand others, rather than trying so hard to feel understood...

"If I were in their exact same shoes, I would have done the same thing."

The more compassion and empathy I have for the world around me.

In turn, they feel that, and have more compassion and empathy towards me.

This understanding has greatly increased my joy and happiness to a level I didn't know was possible.

That's it for today,

I hope you know that you are loved, and you are enough.

See you tomorrow,

I unconditionally love you all.

-Cameron Hogan