Hurting Others

Great Morning Ya'll!

Today's edition of The Love Letter comes from a situation that has been heavy on my heart for the past twelve hours, and I feel it needs to be shared.

This is how I'm forgiving myself for the past.

THINGS WE REGRET

I'm very fortunate with the life I've lived.

I was raised by great people who instilled strong morals and values,

allowing me to do right by thousands of people.

Over the past few days, a prior romantic situation from the past has flared up to the surface...

And it's taken a toll on me.

I'm okay and can navigate this, but life will always have tests that bring temporary shame and guilt.

Thankfully, this was nothing too extreme...

I know I did the right thing.

Just looking back,

I wish I would have handled how it happened in a different way.

It's one of those, "Right Conversation, Wrong Timing" situations.

I'm definitely open to sharing the nitty gritty details,

as you know, I do that often in these letters,

but now is just not the right time to do so...

Right now, I want to share how I'm navigating through a cycle of shame and guilt...

HOW I NAVIGATE

For those with a good heart, causing emotional pain to another can feel heartbreaking.

Even if we perceive the entire experience with them through a different light,

their experience and the pain that comes with it is always valid.

So how do we navigate the fact that we've hurt others?

That's something I'm still trying to figure out...

But here's how I'm getting through it at this moment:

I constantly remind myself that I did the absolute best I could in that given moment.

With the amount of life experience I had,

the amount of prior hard conversations,

and the skills (or lack thereof) at that time,

is what caused me to make the decisions I made.

We're all doing the best we can at any given moment.

And it takes time to not only conceptualize it, but to believe it to be true.

The one thing that allows for me to get through moments like this,

is realizing that I've evolved from that point in my life.

Much of our suffering comes from dwelling on the past and not seeing how we could have acted differently.

We haven't adopted a new level of awareness,

We’re still stuck on the mindset of..

“I still done understand I they could have done this to me.”

or

"They deserve how I treated them so poorly."

I know this because I used to have this story in my head about many of my past undesirable experiences.

HIGH SCHOOL

I think about it like this...

When I look back at my high school experience,

While I completely understand why I did what I did...

The activities I participated in, the friends I had, and how I chose to treat others...

It's a great sign of growth to look back at that time,

and know that if we relived it today,

we would have done some things differently.

Maybe we would have taken more risks...

Like actually asking that girl to Prom.

Or having tried out for that team or theater performance.

I know for me, despite having been a nice kid at the time...

If I could do it all over again,

I would be even more kind to the people around me.

We now see high school as it was,

For most, a hormone-fueled hellscape.

Everyone was trying to find themselves in this confusing world.

We all needed a kind, empathetic friend.

I wish I could have been more for others.

Anyways, my point is that,

if we see past actions we could improve, it means we've evolved.

If we hadn't evolved since high school, we would still think:

"I still don't understand why she did that to me. I hate her."

or,

"She deserved my rudeness. She hurt me."

The easiest path to forgiveness is treating others today with the kindness and empathy we wished we had embodied back then.

So, to get through the situations on my heart at the moment,

the best way is to embody the attributes that I wish I was aware of when the situation took place.

When we become who we wish to be,

we can finally forgive who we were.

CONCLUSION

The best way to forgive ourselves from the past,

is to become the person we wish we could have been at that time.

For me, that's showing more gratitude, empathy, and knowing when to have crucial conversations.

That's it for today,

I hope this edition brings value to anyone that may be going through a similar situation.

I hope you know that you are loved and enough.

See you tomorrow,

I unconditionally love you all.

-Cameron Hogan