I'm Feeling The Fear

Good Morning Ya'll!

I wanted today to mark the start of becoming more transparent with The Love Letters family.

Not only will I be sharing my thoughts and stories about the past, but also what I'm feeling in this current moment.

Today, I’m sharing the fear that I'm experiencing.

I'M FEELING THE FEAR

Over the past few months, when my friends and family ask,

"How is life going?",

My answer has been...

"Imagine being in the driver's seat of a self-driving car.

The car is going a hundred miles per hour, headed straight towards my dream destination.

It's as if life is unfolding rapidly in front of my own eyes, exactly how I've always wanted it to go."

Now, closer than ever to our destination, we're taking a path rarely traveled.

Because it's unfamiliar, it feels scary.

It's making me want to slam on the brakes, or grab the wheel to veer off the path.

But my gut feeling is telling me to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Now, Imagine seeing a billboard at every mile, listing all my negative self-talk.

All of the doubts, all of the fears...

Everything that the loud voice in my head has ever mentioned...

"Who are you to help others? You have zero life experience."

"Who are you to think older men want to follow your lead?"

"You're fucking 24, go party and get drunk with your friends. Stop putting so much on your damn plate."

"You're fucking 24, and you think you're worthy of starting a family? You're still a kid yourself."

"Everything you have has been given to you. You haven't earned shit."

"You charge more per hour than a fucking doctor or lawyer... Who do you think you are?"

"Why won't you just do what everyone else is doing? Do you think you're better than them?"

"Oh, so you have 'God-given gifts'? Yeah, right. You're just full of shit."

"You say, 'You are loved, and you are enough' every damn day, but you don't even fully love yourself."

On this road I've been taking, I've driven past these signs every day.

Some days I laugh them off, knowing they have no merit.

Other days, I can't help but think they may have some validity.

The further down the road I go, the more the signs pull on my heartstrings.

Some days, like this past week, it's made me want to grab the wheel and crash the car.

BIG BETS

I'm betting on myself, big time right now.

I've started multiple businesses,

I'm rapidly hiring employees.

I'm about to get engaged and start a family,

I just bought a house last week,

I'm building a community where I'm leading men twice my age.

I'm applying pressure.

And there are moments, like today, where it feels like too much.

MOVE THROUGH THE FEAR

The dark side of being on the path to our true potential,

is that we must face the fears that we've spent most of our life avoiding.

It's as if we must move through them, no matter how large or scary they may seem.

I need to feel the fear, but not identify with it.

I need to feel the fear, and then let it pass.

And it's incredibly painful.

But I know it will be worth it.

I'm starting to realize that all the pressure I'm applying is beginning to make diamonds.

These commitments require nothing less than the highest version of myself.

Today's version of myself, can't balance all the responsibilities I listed above.

But, tomorrow's version of myself, can.

Not only can, but will.

I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I will move through this fear.

I will become the man the world needs.

This is when the movie gets really good.

This is the part I will always remember.

This is what I will guide others through.

CONCLUSION

The dark side of immense growth and change is starting to reveal itself.

And it's not pretty.

It feels like I'm shedding a layer of skin that I've been wearing my entire life.

Once it's shed, it’ll feel like I’ve hit the reset button on life.

There would no longer be a need to press the brakes out of fear.

I'll be driving fully from a place of love.

That's when the story gets really good.

& I'm glad I can bring y'all along with me.

Deeper, more real than ever.

That's it for today,

You are loved, and you are enough.

See you tomorrow,

I love you all.

-Cameron Hogan