Overcoming Perfection

Good Morning Y'all!

Today, I want to share my story about overcoming the need to be perfect.

THE NEED TO BE PERFECT

Ever since I was very young, I've had a certain level of concern about how I'm being perceived.

I felt as if I needed to be perceived as perfect.

I needed people to think I was smart,

I needed people to think I was nice,

I needed people to think I was funny,

and I needed people to think I was attractive.

To be honest, subjectively, I think I have all of the attributes that I listed above.

But naturally, there will be life situations that make us feel the opposite.

There have been countless situations where I felt dumb, mean, too serious, and ugly.

In these moments....

I could feel my heart beat faster,

My mind beginning to race,

My palms begin to sweat,

and even my primal "fight or flight" feeling begin to kick in.

But why?

Why can't I just be okay with not being the smartest, nicest, funniest, most attractive person in the room?

Why does someone having a higher IQ than me, make me feel like I'm face to face with a saber-tooth tiger?

This caused me to dim my light.

What I mean by that, is I would only put myself in situations where I'd be the best.

We can see this happen often when I felt most insecure, like when I was in high school.

I remember choosing to stay in only regular or honors classes, instead of going the AP route.

The AP route meant I'd be in the middle of the pack when it comes to grades and intelligence.

Whereas in the regular classes, they'd think I'm a genius.

The first day of freshman intramural basketball is another example.

In middle school, I was one of the biggest and most skilled basketball players.

But now, being in high school, I stood no chance against the 18-year-old seniors.

I couldn't imagine the ego hit I'd have to take if I didn't get any playing time, or even worse, got cut from the team.

So, I decided to not even tryout.

I chose a different sport, being Volleyball, that was much more up to my speed.

My speed level was, "slow white boy with a 2-inch vertical."

So yes, if I couldn't be seen as the best or perfect, there'd be no point to trying at all.

It took me years to understand why I felt this way.

WHY I FELT THIS WAY

As with all great introspective journeys, I realized I'm not alone.

Despite having a pretty advanced case of perfectionism,

I started to realize that nearly everyone around me struggles from the same illness.

This allowed for me to exhale a little bit.

I'm not alone in this mind game.

While on a mushroom trip in Indonesia, all of this became incredibly clear to me.

I believe this started hundreds of years ago,

where enhancing our family's image improved our children's prospects for marriage and reproduction.

Back then, more than ever, we weren't marrying just one person, we were marrying their entire family.

Due to war and illnesses causing uneven gender ratios, there was an imbalance.

This created a scenario similar to The Bachelorette TV Show.

Typically, the wealthiest and most appealing family would receive the other family's blessing.

This bred in us an unhealthy competitiveness, compelling us to always save face.

Having a troubled brother or father would significantly affected our chances at marriage.

This is why the phrase "They come from a good family" is still so prevalent today.

I'm not saying this isn't relevant. I purposely will be marrying into a good family...

But, that doesn't mean we all still need to act as if looking perfect is a life or death scenario.

Despite our evolution, we still desire to look flawless.

The advertising industry definitely isn't helping the cause.

They are solely in the business of implying that the versions of ourselves that we are today, isn't enough.

We must buy their thing, or be a certain way, to finally be worthy.

With every billboard and commercial we see, an implicit feeling of inadequacy occurs.

It's as if they've tapped into our instinctive need to be accepted by the tribe.

BEING ENOUGH

The more we're exposed to advertisements, the more we're reminded that we're not enough.

The more pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect, the more pressure we're putting on those around us.

This is why some parents treat where their kid goes to college as life or death.

Or feel the need to have a certain purse or drive a certain car.

We have been conditioned to seek approval from others.

This is a large contributor to many of today's major societal problems.

Not feeling enough was the reason why I needed to look perfect.

Not feeling enough was the reason I didn't allow myself to take risks.

Not feeling enough was the reason I once developed a binge eating disorder.

Not feeling enough was the reason for my past depression and anxiety.

GREAT NEWS

I have some great news for you.

At any moment, we can give ourselves the feeling of being “enough”.

The feeling that society has withheld from us.

It starts by taking the courageous leap of not looking perfect.

By admitting our flaws, we break free from societal and familial conditioning.

When we share the truth of our life experiences,

the good, bad, and ugly of it all....

Those imperfections no longer hold weight over us.

We will then unlock a level of freedom that we've never experienced before.

If you haven't noticed already, that's pretty much the entire point of The Love Letters.

I'm sharing with you that it's okay not to feel okay.

It's okay to drop the facade.

It's okay to be human.

It's funny because we already know this to be true.

Our favorite influencer or celebrity is the one that we find most authentic.

It's the one that feels the most real to us.

It's because we're all deeply wanting to take off the mask.

We're entering a new era where authenticity will be the greatest currency.

The more real we are, the more trust and admiration we will receive.

CONCLUSION

I'm here to lead.

That means I need to take off my mask first.

It's how I will finally remember that I'm enough.

It's how I will unconditionally love myself.

I hope it inspires you to do the same one day, when you're ready.

Because I unconditionally love you.

Even with all of your "imperfections", you are enough for me.

That's it for today,

You are loved, and you are enough.

See you tomorrow,

I love you all.

-Cameron Hogan