The Race That Changed My Life Forever

Good Morning Y'all!

Today, we'll be talking about a profound experience that I had while running the Austin Half Marathon.

Before we discuss the day of the marathon, we must first talk about what happened two weeks prior.

TWO WEEKS PRIOR

The date was February 6, 2024.

I had made the move to Austin a few weeks prior.

The weight of life was hitting me hard, and I was feeling deeply lonely and aimless.

I had hit the reset button on life, with no direction towards my next move.

As an introvert, I usually do perfectly fine by myself, but this felt much different.

It felt like I didn't know a single soul.

Despite having many loved ones back home, not seeing them in person made me feel alone.

I used to look forward to this moment, a blank slate.

But now it feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders.

Like many others my age who don't know what to do with their lives…

I had so many paths to take, that I resorted to taking no path at all.

My default was to resort to what felt comfortable.

Resorting back to my old ways.

This night in particular, February 6th,

I had taken a ton of marijuana edibles,

ordered a huge Domino's pizza,

and watched football all night.

For some reason, it felt like rock bottom to me.

I was alone, with nothing in my apartment besides a mattress on the floor.

I had a dream of the lifestyle I've always wanted, and the impact I wanted to make in the world,

But I felt so much fear around stepping into it, that it felt paralyzing.

I had already made so many "I'll start when (x) happens" statements, but now I had everything I could possibly need.

I was out of excuses towards not becoming the man I knew I was destined to become.

The man that always honored himself, and his gifts.

I felt as if I had only been operating at 10% of my capacity.

I had reached my all-time high level of shame and guilt towards myself.

I resorted back to numbing the voice of, "You can do better" in my head.

After finishing a large Hawaiian pizza, Parmesan bites, and cinnamon twists, I laid on my floor mattress and began to cry.

I thought to myself...

Why don't I do everything I want to do with my life?

Why don't I create the business?

Why don't I eat healthy?

Why can't I keep the promises I made to myself?

And the biggest question of them all…

If I don't change anything and repeat this same week over and over again for a decade, how will my life look when I’m 34?

I felt mortified.

(I'm even getting chills writing about this now…)

If that same routine had continued for a decade, I'd feel like I had wasted the golden years of my life.

I knew something needed to change.

I needed to make a commitment to myself, that I'd follow through on, no matter how hard it may feel.

Then I remembered that I had already signed up to run the Austin Half Marathon, which would be happening in less than two weeks.

I signed up for the Half Marathon as soon as I knew I'd be heading to Austin, nearly a month prior.

I had already given up on so many of my other commitments to myself, I just assumed I wouldn't follow through on showing up for the race.

So the idea of the race must have moved its way to the back burner of my mind.

I was super optimistic the night I had signed up, but the very next day, I reminded myself on how unreliable I can be to my own word.

I had entered a shame and guilt spiral for nearly a month, completely forgetting I had signed up.

I hadn't run in months,

I had no one to wait for me at the finish line,

& no real time to properly train.

I just had to go out there and push myself.

No matter what, I couldn't let myself down again.

I can't let this continue.

I need to keep my word on something in my life.

RACE DAY

The day of the race rolls around, February 18th, and I'm as unprepared as ever.

I had made the commitment to run, but didn't have the courage to lace up my shoes during those 2 weeks to practice.

I wake up bright and early and Uber to the start line.

It's freezing cold outside.

It feels like half the city of Austin is running the race, and the other half is watching from the sidelines.

As I wait nearly an hour for the race to start, I try to stay warm and avoid thinking about how underprepared I am.

I think to myself how I'm going to make this the first day of a new chapter.

I'm going to prove that I can commit to a monumental task, and it will propel myself towards the life I know I'm capable of.

Today will be the day that everything changes.

The race gun goes off, and it's off to a good start.

Despite not having run in months, and not having stretched prior, my legs feel warm and ready to go.

I'm holding a good, but slow, 9 minute and 30 second per mile pace.

The sun is now coming out,

live bands are playing at every turn,

Thousands, literally thousands, of people are holding signs to cheer us on.

It was quite amazing.

It felt like a true "Welcome to Austin" moment.

As the race kept going, I had a feeling I'd hit a wall.

I thought to myself, "eh, no worries. If I hit a wall, I'll let that dark side take over."

While living in Bali, I'd run nearly 3 miles a day.

Every time I'd run, I'd think about everything that made me angry.

The people who had wronged me in my life, the immense amount of terrible acts going on in the world.

Anything to get me pissed off.

I was using rage as my fuel source.

In this race, I knew I could just bring that side of me out, and I'll be able to pull through until the finish line.

As I approached Mile 8, reality started to set in.

I was running an incredibly hilly course with no training.

My joints started to experience this burning pain, and it felt as if my right leg was about to go numb.

I was running on fumes, prepared to just walk the rest of the way or just quit altogether.

It was time to switch to the dark side.

Normally, I'd have a conversation with my inner ego, and tell him it was time to take over.

"Alright ego, (I named him Kevin), it's time to take over. Take me home, you got this".

Kevin wasn't answering...

Well, shit...

"WTF am I going to do now?"

I began to start walking slowly, thinking I'd have to do this for the rest of the race.

Then, all of a sudden, a conversation that I had recently had with a mentor of mine, Justin Lovato, came up in my mind.

I had told him that I'd be running this race with no training.

He thought I was crazy.

But then he said, "Remember, acting in love will always get you further than acting in rage."

I shrugged off what he said, by assuming he had never witnessed how much power that rage has. I thought to myself,

"Has he not seen David Goggins, or the million other influencers that work and train from a place of pain?

Look how successful they are. I'm sticking to their advice."

Well, now I'm in a situation where that fuel source has run dry.

I guess I'll try what Justin said...

I came to a complete stop and began to take a few deep breaths.

Without having heard of this routine prior,

I asked myself what would happen if I focused on breathing deeply while saying "I love you and I love you, God" over and over again until I finished.

Fuck it, let's try it out.

I began to walk slowly for about 3 minutes,

focusing on my breath,

reciting, "I love you and I love you God",

as I make eye contact and point to the people, dogs, trees, and birds that surrounded me.

Something shifted.

I got a huge burst of energy.

It felt as if I had been running on burning coal, and now I'm running on nuclear energy.

I sped up to the fastest pace I've ever ran.

I no longer felt any pain in my body.

I'm smiling, laughing, and enjoying every step.

I fly by the next 5 miles, cutting minutes off of my mile time.

I tapped into infinite energy.

Before I knew it, I had crossed the finish line.

The time was 1:47:31.

My personal best and crushed my goal of finishing under 2 hours.

More importantly, I came across something incredibly powerful.

I felt like I just turned a chapter in my life.

AFTER THE RACE

After the race, I began to think of what would happen if I tap into that love energy for every aspect of life?

What if I let go of the rage towards myself and the world?

What if I sprinkle more love into my relationships, my health, and my businesses?

How great would life be?

The very next day, I woke up feeling like a changed man.

I did a meditation practice first thing in the morning, which was the first time I'd done it in years.

I had no thoughts of doing anything that would take away from me loving myself and others.

It felt like I had just cracked the cheat code on life.

That morning, I began establishing new routines for my business, health, and relationships.

I began the journey of becoming a more loving human.

It felt like that was the first day of my new life.

Later that afternoon, at 3:50pm, I walked into a yoga studio, and met my future wife.

But that's a story for another time, haha.

That's it for today.

Love is the ultimate fuel source.

I hope you know that...

You are loved and you are enough.

Thank you for all the support.

See you tomorrow,

I love you all.

-Cameron Hogan