Life Happens For Me, Not To Me (Part Five)

Great Morning Y'all!

Today is a continuation of the long story on how I first learned the lesson, "Life Happens For Me, Not To Me."

If you haven't yet read the past few letters, I recommend doing so before reading today's.

For Part One, click here.

For Part Two, click here.

For Part Three, click here.

For Part Four, click here.

WE WEREN'T DONE

Even to this day, I often contemplate whether what I'm about to say was coming from fear,

or coming from love....

But I felt as if my time with my ex-girlfriend wasn't complete.

I had some weird feeling that she wasn't going to be my person,

but I felt like we needed to be back together...

I often ask...

Am I only saying this because I don't have that many friends on the island?

Am I trying to latch onto something or someone familiar?

Is this some type of trauma bonding?

Is this what happens when people stick with those that have hurt them?

I don't know WTF is going on,

but I have this feeling that we're not done.

This led me to the point of being open to seeing her again...

At least just to talk about everything that happened, to get some closure...

Literally as I'm getting this thought, now that months have passed....

I get a text from her...

"My plane just landed."

I text back...

"Send me your address, I'm coming over."

IT CONTINUED

So it continued,

We both ran straight into each other's arms.

Sobbing together,

having missed each other more than ever.

We told each other that we'd take some time to just be friends,

have the much-needed conversations,

and just see where life takes us...

But I think both of us knew we'd be getting back together.

This had to have been one of the most conflicting times of my life...

I felt my inner dialogue experiencing so much turmoil.

"Am I doing this all from fear?"

"Am I just trying to grab onto the one bit of familiarity on this foreign island?"

"Do I feel like I want to get back together, or do I feel like I need to?"

"But, part of this feels so right....."

"Why do I feel like this is meant to be?"

"Why do I feel like I'm meant to be with her, even though I know she's not my soulmate?"

"Even though I know she's not my person?"

"Do I even forgive this woman?"

"Do I fully trust this person?"

And then the societal factors kicked in...

"How would me getting back together with her look?"

"What would my parents think about me reuniting with her after what happened?"

"What would my friends and other family think?"

"What would my college buddies think?"

"Would this lose all respect they have for me?"

"Would they strip me of my symbolic Man Card for putting up with this?"

"I can't have them think less of me."

WHAT IT MEANT

In some weird way,

I felt like getting back together with her was also committing to this new life across the world.

A life where I'd be more ready to embrace the unknown.

Looking back, I feel as if I wouldn't have stayed in Bali if it wasn't because of her.

I was too fragile at the time...

I think I would have ran back to America,

ran back to my old routines,

ran back to my old ways of making money,

ran back to the old ways of seeing the world,

ran back to my old addictions and distractions.

But I knew I had more to learn...

I was there for a reason,

and I needed to embrace it.

TIME PASSES

A few months had passed,

and she and I were officially back together.

This led to what now seems to be the most testing times in our life.

It was filled with an immense amount of fun and loving moments,

and we also triggered the hell out of each other.

We were both transitioning from being a child to being an adult...

It felt like every day was a test.

I remember this one time,

where I asked her to move into my villa.

I gave her a key and had moved in all of her stuff...

but then a few days later, I told her that I no longer wanted that.

I needed her to move out.

I was having erratic, unpredictable mood swings,

the first time in my life I've experienced something so irrational.

I believe this caused us both to diminish our trust in one another,

both just so unclear about what the future holds for our individual lives,

as well as for our relationship.

I didn't understand what was going on,

I couldn't make rational sense of any of it,

but in some weird way, I also knew that everything was unfolding perfectly.

Everything that was going on,

the love shared,

the trust broken,

the trials and tribulations,

the moments of pure joy and bliss,

the moments of adventure,

the moments of feeling deeper than ever...

All led to one thing...

My Spiritual Awakening.

Very few of those who are reading this will understand,

but all of these experiences,

led up to a series of events that immediately shifted everything...

I'll definitely be going more in depth when it comes to everything that took place in the Spiritual Awakening...

But let's just say,

in the snap of a finger,

an immense amount of my life's pain and suffering,

all went away.

It was as if nearly all of the questions about my life, and the world around me,

finally had answers.

These answers allowed for me to see the world in a completely new lens...

One that heightened all of my senses and emotions...

And allowed for me to no longer feel numb to life.

At the snap of a finger,

everything made sense.

Everything about the universe...

The good, the bad, and the ugly.

And everything about my own life...

All of the missteps,

all of the mistakes,

all of the successes,

even getting back with my ex-girlfriend,

all made perfect sense.

It was all needed for me to get to this point, where my third eye was finally opened.

Everything that happened to me was necessary to get me there.

Everything that happened to me was a lesson, and a test needed to

understand myself and others at a much deeper level.

Everything happened in perfect timing.

Everything happened FOR me.

CONCLUSION

I understand that the idea of "Awakening" and "Opening the Third Eye" is a foreign concept to most.

I'm literally committing the rest of my life to making it easier to understand...

But for now, especially in tomorrow's letter,

I'll talk about what ended up happening with my girlfriend,

along with the plethora of life lessons this taught me.

All of which happened FOR me.

Side Note: For those concerned about how I’m handling a sensitive topic like a past relationship...

I want you to know that I completely understand.

I've received not only permission but encouragement from all parties involved.

That's it for today.

I hope you know that you are loved and enough exactly how you are.

See you tomorrow,

I unconditionally love you all.

-Cameron Hogan